On Rejection (Kakorrhaphiophobia)

There is this popular belief that rejection is an all too common circumstance that everyone faces. Well, perhaps not in my case -- rejection is something I have to avoid. Ever since I was a kid, I had to prove to everybody that I was worth something. I was brought up to a life that had to have some awe-inspiring achievements to be cherished. I had to excel… I had to be somebody… I had to be accepted.

I guess there is nothing wrong with that. Aiming for the best… putting everything you’ve got in every endeavor… pushing yourself to your very limits just to get there or at least have a feel of what “there” might be. I’m not blaming anybody or ranting about being tired and all… In fact I am quite happy with it. Having the discipline to reach for what might seem unreachable is not a very common trait that every person possess. I do not quit when faced with challenges, I find a way to overcome the immeasurable gap between me and my dreams. I seldom compromise, but I never let every unsuccessful attempts put me down. Well, maybe they allow me to rethink my position and reweigh the costs, but at the end of the day, I simply aim for victory.

Unknown to most people, one of the most negative traits I have is the fear of rejection. It’s like a major downer for me (among others). This does not necessarily mean that I am a spoiled brat always getting my way in everything. This just simply tells that as much as possible, all things I do must be acceptable or that the majority should approve of it. Perhaps the only exceptions to this are my questioned principles and beliefs. Questioned, not questionable! Yeah, I have a very high regard for what I believe in. I stick to what my convictions are, although I am open to possibilities. Also, I always say that I really don’t care what other people say, which mostly likely is always the case. However, being an outcast dreads me… or worse, being a reject.

I'm not really sure if there is a scientific term for this fear. The closest I could find is Kakorrhaphiophobia - fear of failure or defeat. It's highly debatable, I know. But debate all you want, I could care less.

What with all I've been through, I'd say this is the least of my worries. I had to come up with measures to counter this fear. Unconsciously, I guess I have been doing it. Perhaps, it took me only now to realize that what I have been doing does not in any way alleviate the situation; rather, it just delays the effects. What I have been doing is: “I can’t face them now; maybe I’ll just have to face them later or even better, I might just have to forget about them.” <-- How naive could I get?!

Where does this lead to anyway? Avoiding the feeling of rejection is a very cowardly character. It’s like contradicting what being the Immortal-Skirmisher is all about. I just have to say in my defense that it does feel better not being rejected or at least think that everybody accepts me. But I have to wake up, someday – to face reality. I am not really sure if I fully understand this reality, but I am trying my best. But honestly, as long as I can hold on to this, I wouldn’t have to face this fear (right now) for now… If I don’t have to, I won’t… But when the time comes, which I know will, then I’d just have to be prepared.

XOXO,
CK

P.S.
Here's something worth sharing from the net (http://www.phobia-fear-release.com/fear-of-rejection.html).

Fear of rejection is an outcome of low self-esteem. If you have this fear, you are sure to feel alienated and lonely. Your fear makes you feel that everyone in this world is superior to you and they can reject and avoid you for some reason or the other.

As a child this fear may have developed within you when your parents constantly compared you with others with the intention that this might drive you to do best in life.

How hard you worked couldn't satisfy others and thus you developed the feeling that you can never be better than this. Surely, this is really pathetic but fortunately curable.

The things you feel when you suffer from fear of rejection
  • You have the feeling that you can never do or say something confidently
  • When you have this fear, you can't say no to anything because you feel that a bit of negative on your part can make others reject and neglect you. Thus, you keep on saying yes to everything without judging the limit of your potential
  • You consider yourself good or bad according to what people say about you. You fail to form an opinion of yourself
  • You tend to lose your identity for you prefer to act, talk, dress and imitate those whom you admire in life
Do not ever be afraid of rejection in life. If someone rejects you, take that as a challenge to prove yourself. Don't let other people dictate your identity.

In fact, fear of rejection is an inherent irrational belief that nobody will accept you for who you are, what you believe and how you act.

Victims of this particular fear depend on the approval, recognition or affirmation of others in order to have a better idea about them.

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