Clearly this tells you something about me already. Ok, so I do want to be a star but I know it ain't that easy. I decided that to be one I really have to invest. So I searched the internet for tips and tricks on how to and I came upon something really and astonishingly simple (and impeccably cheap).
All I have to do is find a star somewhere in our galaxy and name it after me! Voila!
Ok fine, the International Astronomical Union may probably not be behind me on this, and the public will most probably just give me a cold shrug or none at all, but still it sure will give me something to feel happy about, and force myself to believe I am up in the heavens. After all, I do have a heavenly body! Hashtag booyah!
So if you are thinking of something to give me for Christmas, this one's a sure fire deal! It's cheap, easy to fabricate, and yet still sweet. All you need to do is print out a hopefully close to the authentic Star Chart and an almost genuine Certificate saying this particular star is the "Rising Dick" or "Golden Dick" or "Dick Shining". Ultimately, you have the freedom to name after me in any way, shape or form. Heck, you could also get me a constellation like the "Dick's Shield". Just look for a couple of stars that would resemble something like a condom. Haha, ok, that went overboard.
On a totally unrelated note, here's a picture of me half-naked and pointing at my piercing (which when you squint your eyes a little, it would like like a tiny star on my left ear).
Yes mommy, if you're reading this, I did get a piercing without your permission and I'm terribly sorry for not telling you. But if you're not reading this, it's also good that you don't know.
Hey, please don't tell my mom about this though, Ok? Thanks!
Going back, and just to waste a few more minutes of your time, think of naming a star or a constellation (or better yet a whole new galaxy) after me. That would really make me smile. :)
XOXO,
CK
