If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy,
and inspires your hopes. So whatever you can do or dream, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
Posted by
CK Espanol
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
comments (2)
Everywhere, there will always be judgement. We all will be forever judged. Just as we have our own judgements of other people, they too have their own judgements of us. It's a fair game. I guess it took me a while to realize that. Or perhaps I already knew it, and maybe I just didn't heed the warnings.
Anyway, point is what's done is done. There really isn't any easy to mend something that has already been broken.
And we all are broken. We are bits and pieces of the very whole that from which we have been created from. We heal, but very slowly.
The best way for us to remain intact is to muster our ability to stay alive. For me, since they usually just judge superficially, then might as well play superficially too. Key note, perception is reality. And I perceive that am complete.
Posted by
CK Espanol
Sunday, February 26, 2012
comments (0)
Love doesn't have to be a gamble.
I just had the weirdest set of dreams tonight. Well, aside from the fact that I distinctly remember each of them, it was a life journey as well. LOL! So as early as dawn I'm jotting them all down so I would be able to document them.
1. Theatre Boot Camp
I was on a camp with friends from college. From what I remember, it was supposed to be a boot camp for the theatre org. The striking bit about it was the fact that the timeline of the events probably would have happened way back around 2 years ago when I was still with my first ex. The dream sequences had a little bit too much tension in them. So anyway, I was in the camp somewhere out of town (where my ex would probably be not around). Two of the other particapants seemed to have the hots for me or something, one was discreet about it while the other was aggressive (too agressive, in fact). The aggressive one would find ways of going near me, make awkward advances to a point of even stealing a kiss (how juvenile). Anyway, I ended up punching him and beating him to the ground. Fine, I did not beat him to the ground. Maybe just gave a few kicks and punches I picked up from watching too many UFC episodes (just kicks and punches, none of the grappling stuff). The other discreet one would just talk to me and just be very friendly. The amazing thing about the dream though was that I was very clear to both of them that I am in a relationship, maybe not a healthy one (given that it was still with my first), but the fact still remains that I am committed.
Cut scene to dream sequence 2.. well actually, this actually felt more like a nightmare than a dream though.
2. The First Ex
I think the setting was somewhere at home where I used to live together with my first ex, and it was just some time after the bootcamp had happened. The feel of the whole dream was grim, dark, and tensed.. very tensed! I wouldn't really want to remember the exact details but what I really remember was the feeling during the whole sequence. I felt very uncomfortable, I felt like a lot of secrets were kept, a lot of dishonestly, a lot holding back, a lot of uncertainty. I felt like I could not trust whatever my ex says. Then comes the first weird segment of this dream sequence, right next to our house, the police and scene of the crime operatives started to show up. How intense could a dream get, right? Anyway, I really did not bother checking what happened to our next door neighbors, the intensity of the current dream made really feel unconfortable. The police started asking me questions, and to which I replied with the truth, that I do not know anything. I felt I was wrongly interrogated, and no matter what I say, they would not believe me. It really wasn't a comforting place to be in.
Cut scene to dream sequence 3.. same horrible feeling..
3. The Next Ex-Deal
I decided to pack my bags and leave to find a better place to live in. I travelled with my cousin somewhere far. I also don't know why my cousin now came into the picture, but hey, dreams aren't always rational. So anyway, we got to an unknown place where we met a tricycle driver who said he can take us somewhere we could stay in. (How classy right? Tricycle driver? Really now! Why couldn't it have been a limo driver! Dafuq!) We took the ride. However, somewhere along the journey, I had the feeling that this isn't a safe bet. The driver was somehow linked to my ex (now this time I wouldn't really know if it was the first ex or the second). But what I was familiar of was the feeling or distrust.. The driver took me to a warehouse, where he said someone else would meet us and take us to the promised place. (Promised place?! Charot!) Someone did come along and showed us the way, led us to a door. It was very bright and I really couldn't see anything beyond. It was a scary feeling, I really didn't trust them enough. Before I could do anything, I woke up with my heartbeat racing. I said to myself, I would never again take the risk with someone I couldn't trust.
4. New Application
I really couldn't do anything about my nightmares anymore right. What's done is done, so I might as well move on with my sleep and hope for more better dreams to come. And true enough, a lighter, blessed dream came. It was rather short but full of hope. The air of the dream was very light, relaxed and easy. A new friend basically just came into the picture and gave me an iPhone, and said, install any application you want. I said, I want the future. He pointed me to the application I needed. I honestly did not know what I was installing but I could distinctly remember the feeling of excitement of having a new app, the feeling of joy of meeting a new friend, the feeling of hope of having a better future. With a smile on my face, I woke up. I now know what to do.
Yup, it's pretty clear to me now. There have different stage of my life and I've lived through three of them already. I know similarities and difference where I see fit. I learned a lot and probably even matured somehow. I know that in the past, I made deals with a losing hand. It was risky and unsafe. But I was willing to gamble because I had loved, or thought I did. But now I realize that love doesn't have to be a gamble. With what I have right now, the only uncertainty I do have is being unsure what kind of happy future I will get. I know, that I am installing a happy application, and I understand that we shall take the responsibilities of fixing whatever bug we will encounter because this application brings us happiness. I have a vision of my future, and it is a happy one. Later on in my life, my future might not be what I have envisioned now, but no matter what it will be, I can be sure that I will always be happy with it. We will always be happy with it, now and tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow...
Posted by
CK Espanol
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
comments (0)
(Initial Draft)
One day I saw you walking down the road
I knew that you were in a hurry
I stopped you on your tracks and said, "Hello!"
You said, "Baby, how are yah?"
We knew that we could have this moment
But we said, "Not yet"
But baby, in my mind I said,
"One day, I'll be the one to tuck you in at night"
"One day, I'll be the one to kiss you goodnight"
One Day, One Day, One day, I hope and I pray
One day I caught you glancing right at me
It made my day a lot brighter
One day I tried to steal a kiss from you
You said, "Baby.. later.. :)"
We knew that we could have this moment
But we said, "Not yet"
But baby, in my mind I said,
"One day, I'll be the one to tuck you in at night"
"One day, I'll be the one to kiss you goodnight"
One Day, One Day, One day, I hope it's today
(Interlude)
Starting today, I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
Starting today, I'll be the one to kiss you goodnight
Starting today, I'll be the one to make your day so bright
Today... Baby today!
Posted by
CK Espanol
Thursday, January 19, 2012
comments (0)
I just realized that you are my best wing man. You bring out the truest colors in people. With you in our blood, you make us see who we really are, say what we really think, and express what we really feel. Sometimes I even feel that we get closer when you are around. These are the times when we can talk about what we really feel. These are the moments when we really bare ourselves and rip the masks that conceal our true colors.
02DE4: Quiet Time
-
[image: Saturday - Terraforming Mars: Ares Expedition]
Whenever I go home for the holidays, it feels like everything slows down. I
know Tobie and I live ...
Writing a tech manual— for a knitting pattern
-
Because I'm a chaos demon, I decided I'd start not by writing a manual for
a website or a program but for by writing a knitting pattern. Mostly
because I'v...
[Updates] Another Geeky Guide Restart?
-
[image: Geeky Guide Restart Needed]
Hello geeky readers. It has been a while.
Over the past few years, I've let the blog slip into a sort of hiatus and
...
Tuesday
-
Tuesday, 1 AM, and I can’t sleep. I remember that one time at a nearby
Starbucks when I held your hand—it’s probably the first time I held a boy’s
hand. We...
The Secret Corner
-
You are looking for the quiet, late at night in secret small places that
only you can call your own.
You are looking for the place that only belongs to y...
AMP or PWA? Why not AMP + PWA!
-
Choosing between AMP or PWA is a really difficult dilemma. You want your
website to load instantly after it’s clicked from the Google Search
results, but...
Keith Urban "Female" (Dave Days Rock Cover)
-
Keith Urban "Female" (Dave Days Rock Cover)
Download & stream Keith Urban's newest song Female! ▷ http://strm.to/Female
Let me show you how to produce & ...
Notice to the public
-
The Philippine Blog Awards (Philippine Blogger Awards Inc.) is not
affiliated with, nor in any way related to entities claiming as such. We
are not endorsi...
Celebrating Kadayawan 2014
-
I must be holding back my excitement these past couple of weeks for a lot
of exciting things that could possibly happen this weekend. For one, I
endured no...
Saved in 2012
-
Under the bright sun, I find myself awake, lying on my bed. I take a peek
at the sun rays coming from the windows, controlling my slender eyelids.
Long be...
HELP for Typhoon Sendong Victims
-
THIS IS AN EMAIL BLAST FROM ATENEO DE MANILA UNIVERSITY. You don't need to
be an alumnus to donate through Ateneo. Let's help the poor victims of
typhoon...
Idol
-
He stood at 5′ 8″ and weighed in at 160 lbs. He had a lean body with a
relatively round belly. He preferred his hair black and greasy while making
sure tha...
-
*Ateneo, Graphed is coming back soon!*
Got some suggestions? See the sidebar to find out how to contribute.
Send in even a graph made in paint and I can pre...