I will try...

I caught myself falling apart tonight. The thought of having to go through life alone scares the hell out of me. To some it might be a shallow thing to spend tears for, but for some reason, it wells me up every time I get the chance to sit and think about how sad and lonely I am in my own room, spending the countless minutes alone. As the deafening wails of loneliness rings endlessly inside my head, I could do nothing but curl into my shell of self-protection.

I need a tremendous amount of fixing. I would fix myself if only I knew how. Where are the lights to guide me home? This feeling of unceasing wandering, falling and feeling lost kills. Have I been dragging myself away from you? Stuck in reverse, I do not know how to move on...

I guess if tears became the valued currency in my world, I'd be saving up quite a large sum. But in a world like this, I'd rather be poor.

As the tears continue streaming down on my face, I wonder...

Perhaps it's really true that through the depths of darkness, you'd have nothing to hold on to, but that tiniest bit of hope, that slightest glimmer of light that you wish you could see and follow. You won't be able to see it with your washed teary eyes, so best wipe it off and be ready to catch that instantaneous spark. Only then will you be able to move out of the pits. Just know that through it all, you have never been alone.

XOXO,
CK

... to fix you.

The Beleaguered Champion

What would YOU do? It’s tiring as it can be. What with all the stressors lurking everywhere ready to pounce anytime. You can never really be too careful these days. Anyone, if not everyone, could be it. We can never really know. How much would it take for me to see what lies ahead so that I won’t have to worry about tomorrow? I know it’s futile to be anxious about what will be rather than expending more time and effort resolving what is. I guess there lies the problem, instead of enjoying what is, I spend more time worrying and looking for ways to alleviate pain of yesterday that’s causing more problems today, growing more painful as tomorrow comes.

- CK

Image taken from this link.

The Beleaguered Champion seeks to find a place to rest. Under the tree of answers, he wishes to lie underneath its shade. But in the scorching heat of the vast desert that he has traveled, in the viciousness of the jungle he’s been through, in the depths of the dark abyss, nothing but a void and empty space lies before him. What’s even more disturbing is despite its barrenness, there is and there will always be something that will push him to the edge.

The Beleaguered Champion started by spending a tremendous amount of time training for what may lie ahead in his life’s adventure. Giving everything he has to offer, this hero wanted to be at his best when he faces the demons and monsters on his way. Nothing could possibly stop him and nothing will.

The Beleaguered Champion went into the immense ocean of oceans. There he met other champions just as he; eager and determined to topple every barrier that may come there way. However, in spite of the immensity of this area, there were only a few possible paths to take. And only a few would be able to go through it. Before this Champion knew it, he was fighting for his slim chance and his inalienable right to passage, against the others that came before and even after him. This isn’t a very pleasant sight. The steady flow of knights treading the waters was now drenched in thick blood, drowning in their own despair.

Despite the horror, the Beleaguered Champion went on his way; weary from that great feat. He knew too well, that it wasn’t going to be the last. He knew that in every other field, battles have to be fought, won, and forgotten. Loss; he knew no such thing. In every step he makes, victory was his vision, hope was his sword, and faith was his shield. Coated in an armor of well-forged skill, no one can bring him down.

The Beleaguered Champion went on this excruciating journey, seeking the most appropriate spot to take the most amount of rest from time to time. But somewhere along his way, dust of confusion was lurking and growing, causing this hero to lose sight of his vision. Trying to regain control over everything before him, he insistently shook them off his feet, along with them everything he used to cherish. This foul mistake cost him a lot, and now his debts are due. Our Champion is now at a loss.

But this would not stop the Beleaguered Champion from moving on. Dragging his every step, he tried to get as far as possible and settle at a new site, either regaining old visions or forming new ones. Our Beleaguered Champion had to start again.

To be continued…

XOXO,
CK